Last night at 2:34 a.m., I purchased a one pound, sixteen ounce, 364 gram bag of M&M chocolate candies at Chippies, the all night convenience store. I, like most Americans, am very conscious of my weight. That's not the problem. Between 2:45 and 7:20, I consumed the entire bag.
The problem is that upon weighing myself at 7:35, I found (to my horror) that I had gained 1 lb. 7 1/2 ounces. I had neither eaten nor drunk anything in addition to the M&Ms. Where did the extra 7 1/2 ounces come from?
As a consciencious consumer, I am quite concerned about this unnatural weight gain. I have been giving out M&Ms to trick or treaters. Am I adding to the problem of obesity in America?
I also gave M&Ms to my neighbor's cat which recently died mysteriously; it had been gaining weight. Am I to blame? Should I stop feeding M&Ms to my dog, Clarence?
I will be unable to eat any more M&Ms until this matter has been cleared up.